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My Secret Shame: My Desk Edition

For the life of me, I cannot find a way to fix this.

What looks fairly tidy (by my standards):

My Secret Shame: My home office's desk

Is in actuality, something far more terrible.

My Secret Shame Revealed: a tangled monstrosity

I am soliciting advice. I have tried velcro™ ties, twist ties, clips, clamps, to no avail.


I'm like "Sweetie Pie" by The Stone Alliance. Everybody knows I'm known for droppin' science.